The generation gap

Do you love your mother more than your father? Many people always think a mother is the one who loves and cares you more than a father, and so do I. In fact, it doesn’t make sense. Each parent no matter the mother or father loves her or his child exactly the same, so a child should love both parents equally. However, I cannot distribute my love equally to my father and mother. I have been having a hard time communicating with my father since my childhood; consequently, I found that there is always a long distance between my father and me.
In my childhood, my parents didn’t get on well with each other, so I felt stressful and depressed about their relationship. In my memory, my father was very busy with his work, and he spent little time staying at home with my family. Moreover, he often quarreled with my mother because he had been having an affair with his workmates. One night, I awakened to the sounds of my parents’ argument. Afterward, I got up to see what was happening. As soon as I got into their room, I saw my mother sobbing by the bed and my father shouting at her. At that time, my father seemed like a demon who wanted to send my mother to hell. He became estranged from us after that big argument. Before long, my father moved to another town and lived with his paramour. My parents were separated but not divorced because my Dad didn’t want to lose my brother and me. After all, he loved us. Even though he wasn’t a good husband for my mum, he was a good father for my brother and me. He came back home to visit us every month and gave us some money. To our surprise, five years later, he decided to divorce my mother. From then on, I had less and less time to understand and communicate with my dad.
After my parents divorced, I felt as if my father no longer belonged to us. My father opened his own factory with that woman, and married her. One and half years later, they had a daughter. Their business went on very well, and the whole family lived a very happy life. They were enjoying their lives whereas we were trying to forget our sadness. I was very jealous of my stepsister, and I frequently complained why my Dad always had no time to attend to our parents’ meeting at school. I was dissatisfied with my father, and I wanted to ask him why there were so many differences between two families. Each time I met him, I never asked him because I couldn’t express my real feeling to a strange father because there was a deep divide between us.
Now, after twelve years, I am living with my father again, but we can’t get close to each other. Two years ago, my father persuaded my mother to give him custody of my brother and me because he wanted to bring us to America in order to get the good education. Finally, my mother agreed to his decision. From that, I know my father still loves us and hopes that we have success in US, but I find that his love has come too late. I have missed many things from him. Why didn’t he care more about me when I was a little kid? Why did he choose to leave us when I need father’s love and protection? Why did he hurt my mother so badly? I wanted to know the answers, but I am sure that he’ll avoid answering them. In the past, I was eager to live with my father and have a complete and happy family. Nowadays, I do, but I had to leave my mother. In addition, I can’t get on well with my stepmother, nor can my brother. My stepmother is like a wall that has divided my father from me. I have never shared my happiness or sorrows with him, and we have no topics to talk about. I prefer to speak to my new classmates, who have the different language backgrounds from me, rather than my father. The misunderstanding always makes me keep my distance from him, so he’ll never know what I need in my life.
“Sister, please read these letters for Dad because he doesn’t understand English”, my stepsister ran into my room and gave a pile of letters to me. “Can I read them tomorrow because I am very busy with my homework now?” I tried to say it loudly. She went out to the living room, and then she came back with a new message “Homework comes first”. My stepsister or my brother is like a reporter who often helps me to deliver my words to my father. That’s probably because there is a generation gap between my father and me. In other words, we lack the ability to communicate with each other. I don’t know how to express my feelings and thoughts to my father, and I always feel uncomfortable when I talk to him. Maybe, I should try to stand in his way over everything. I want a good chance to spend time with my father, and then have a cup of tea in a very quiet place, so we can chat with each other freely.